Get Rich or Squid Trying
by Yuilhan
Summary: Carmilla responded groggily that she had no idea what JaJa was going on about. "We need a name for our duo." "Why don't we try and get some more material or a manager first. Names are a big deal after all." JaJa and Carmilla. Two Inklings hoping for their names to appear in big sparkly lights around Inkopolis Square... well, at least JaJa is. Carmilla's just there for the ride.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Splatoon and Splatoon 2 wouldn't look half as aesthetically interesting if I'd made and owned it.

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 **GET RICH OR $QUID TRYING**

* * *

 _"Murchie-baby…"_

"Whatever it is that you want, I ain't getting involved with it JaJa."

"Still kissing Spike's rectum, are you?"

"Still pitifully not-famous, I see."

JaJa hissed at the tiny Sea Urchin, and Carmilla took it upon herself to cough loudly and interrupt the pair before a non-officiated Turf War broke out. "We were wondering whether you could set us up with some bespoke gear, Murch?"

"See, that's how you ask a favour." JaJa's upper lip curled back in a sneer as Murch tapped his foot restlessly on the edge of the ledge he stood on outside of the Lobby. "What's the matter with some of the prime gear here in Inkopolis Square? Why not try the Galleria? Oh wait, I forgot, they don't let any old sort in there."

"Surely the only way Spike is ever going to notice you is if you endorse the freshest people here? Copies of anybody's castoffs just won't do," JaJa huffed. "We need originality, flare-"

"You'll need a miracle then," Murch quipped, and ducked as JaJa lunged a fist at his wide unblinking eye. "Considering even Flow won't let you in her store, and even her co-owner thinks she's tickled ink half of the time."

Carmilla lunged for the hood of her friend's raincoat in an attempt to stop her from beating poor Murch within an inch of his life. "Can we all just calm down, _please_? Murch I placed an order with you a couple of days ago. Has it come in yet?"

Murch's sneer relaxed as JaJa was dragged behind her calmer, more genteel mannered friend. "Sure." He gestured to the case beside him, "Take a look. It's exactly what you asked for right?"

JaJa pushed past Carmilla and dived into the case. She pulled out a sweatshirt, a pair of dungarees, and a weathered pair of shorts. "This… this isn't what we ordered at all."

"No way," Murch protested. "I even got Spike to help me with this, and we both thought we'd got the exacts."

JaJa's hand's were balled up within the scratchy material of the faded sweatshirt. This had been gear someone had traded in – not exactly the cutesy clothing they'd ordered in the first place. This was an _outrage –_ "You do this on purpose. _Every damn time_ when we come to you for gear, you screw us over somehow. Just like your precious Spike," JaJa spat.

Carmilla gasped. "JaJa!"

"What?! It's _squidiculous_ Carmi!"

Murch merely rolled his eyes. "Do you want it or not?"

JaJa considered their options. They didn't have many, and their current gear (also purchased through Murch) was already falling apart. She sniffed snobbishly; "Carmilla, pay the Urchin what he's owed."

* * *

"I can't believe we just blew all our earnings on shoddy gear," JaJa moaned, smacking her head into her knees. The pair were sat behind Crusty Sean's shack in the Square, hoping that perhaps he'd take pity on the starving pair or artists and slip them a spare piece of battered… _something_. At this point, JaJa couldn't care less what was in Sean's food, let alone how calorific it was. She could work on the growing muffin top when they had the money and time to make healthy eating a priority. For now, it was grease and cheap easy meals all the way.

"We didn't have to buy it," Carmilla pointed out, smiling sweetly at Sean as he peered through the back exit of his van at them. She stretched out her crossed legs and propped herself further up the side of the bright yellow van to relieve the pressure on her lower back. Once comfortable, Carmilla rested one ankle atop the other and hummed out a quiet string of notes.

JaJa stilled, tilting her head to the side contemplatively and tapping along her knees. "Sounds pretty."

"I thought so too," Carmilla answered with a toothy grin.

Behind the smiling pair of Inklings, Crusty Sean coughed. "I know you squiddos are having a hard time lately, but if you ain't buyin' anything I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"We're sat behind your van this time," JaJa frowned. "How are we disturbing other customers if we're out of their view?"

"One o' them League regulars was worried 'bout two Inklings 'loitering' round the back of my van. Said they'd sort it for me but I told 'em not to," Sean shrugged. "Just wanted to give ya both a heads up. Don't want you getting splatted by my van – it's bad for business."

JaJa rose to her feet, annoyance thinly veiled on her face. "If you haven't noticed Sean, we're both homeless – _and_ penniless now too, I guess."

"JaJa…" Carmilla whimpered. Her friend was strong tempered and stubborn all the time, but now JaJa was just causing a scene. JaJa could be frighteningly impassioned when something rubbed her the wrong way, and more often than not it landed her into even more trouble despite Carmilla's efforts to interfere before things could escalate.

"No! Where are we supposed to go-"

Sean's hands were outstretched in a placating manner; "Cool it Ja. I'll let you squiddo's kip under the van's porch tonight if you just disappear for a bit."

Though JaJa grumbled, it had to be the best offer they'd had in a while. Plus the Off The Hook duo had announced it was going to rain later on tonight.

* * *

How had these two Inklings come to be in such a predicament, you ask?

Inspired by the careers of Callie and Marie – with their work as both single recording artists and as a duo – JaJa neglected her studies in favour of becoming a vocalist. Many acts that frequented the Inkopolis music scene were multi-talented; they could both play an instrument, sing or rap, and managed somehow not to have two left fins. JaJa found that she was only talented in one discipline. Vocals.

This did not dissuade her from leaving home and wheedling her way into the big city, taking along with her her childhood friend, Carmilla. Where JaJa went, Carmilla was likely to follow after all, as the two had been inseparable since they were tiny.

Only, the music industry was harder to have a breakthrough in than JaJa had anticipated, so now they were subjected to kipping under the glow of Inkopolis' skyscape and the blare of jingles until something came through for them.

They'd tried funding their careers from Turf War conscription, some Ranked battles and the occasional Salmon Run, but Carmilla found she didn't have the heart or the stomach to wage even practice wars on her race – even though they re-spawned shortly after being hit with an opponent's ink. **(1)**

JaJa just found such pursuits below her.

"Hey," the aforementioned Inkling whispered to her companion, her features faintly lit in the vibrant glow of a billboard. "We need a name." Carmilla responded groggily that she had no idea what JaJa was going on about. "We need a name for our duo."

"Why don't we try and get some more material or a manager first? Names are a big deal after all."

* * *

 **(1)** I have this theory that when your Inkling explodes in a shower of ink during a match, you're missing all of the gruesome chunks of flesh flying in every direction and they (whoever "they" are) take a little sample of it back the spawn point for you to 'rebirth' from each time you die in-game. Kinda like when Starfish lose a leg; the leg regenerates, and a new starfish grows out from the amputated leg. Weird, and most likely impossible for squid species, but it's just a theory. Though it makes sense, because how would you regain a full body from ink splatters otherwise? If you have an answer for this, or just want to correct me on my dodgy science, drop me a review or a PM.

 **I have no idea where the story for these two is going, but their characters have been bugging me since December of last year (2017). I was planning a full length one-shot (say 15,000 words) but I'm liking these smaller vignettes better.  
**

 **Let me know what you think! PM's and Reviews are appreciated.**

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 **Chapter Trivia:**

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1\. JaJa is named for JaJa Gabor, who's come to be the epitome what we now know of as "celebrities". Carmilla is named for Sheridan Le Fanu's eponymous character from his novel _Carmilla_. This is because Inkling Carmilla's squid form would be based on the appearance of a Vampire Squid.

2\. The song Carmilla is humming is 'FLASH' by the J-Pop ground Perfume. I'm trying to look for a capella covers, and the only one I can find for that song is a small snippet in an even bigger medley by a capella group Groovy Groove. I'm still not sure what I want JaJa and Carmilla's music to sound like, so it's a hybrid mix of classical, a capella, pop, rap and indie at the moment. Trying to find inspiration for their group (and physical examples) is a right nightmare.

3\. I'm going easy on the puns, and I know I've probably missed out on a few chances to throw even more in.

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 **Musical Inspiration:**

* * *

"Let it Happen" - Tame Impala, 'Currents'

"Flash" - Perfume, 'Flash (Single)'

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 **[EDITED 21/2/2018]** **:** **Just a quick tweaking, as I noticed a few errors.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Why are the European Splatfests always assigned crappy themes?!

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 **GET RICH OR $QUID TRYING**

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"Maybe we're just not original enough?" Carmilla offered. "There's been a lot of female duos recently, and the rest of their rivals are all groups or ensembles. I mean, there's that eight piece all female band currently, right?"

"But- but they're an _instrumental_ group! They're nothing like _The Squid Sisters_ or _Off The Hook_ , so I don't get why they're so…"

"Popular?"

" _Exactly_! They have something we don't Carmi, and I want whatever it is they have."

"I don't… I don't think it works like that, JaJa," Carmilla replied quietly, but it was too late. JaJa was already plotting to overthrow that poor band, and there was nothing Carmilla could do to change her mind once an idea got into her head. It was best to just go along with it for now until JaJa realised what a huge mistake she was about to make. Which didn't happen often. Usually it was after she'd publicly embarrassed herself that JaJa understood the extent of her actions.

JaJa's bottom lip jutted out petulantly. "Well we need to do something like them, otherwise we'll still be sleeping by Crusty Sean's shack _again_." The former had graciously offered the porch over the rear of his truck as a place for them to rest for the last few weeks, on the condition that they helped him out with the van during lunch rushes. Sometimes, if Sean wasn't too swamped by a multitude of deep-fried orders, he'd allow them to busk for his customers.

The tired and hungry Inklings just on their way home or taking a break from battling didn't seem to appreciate Carmilla and JaJa's renditions of the songs they heard all day long when inking turf. Even though their vocals and harmonies were good separately, when singing as a duo Carmilla and JaJa really could draw a crowd. The only problem was that they had no originality at all.

"It's got to be this gear," JaJa groused, pulling Carmilla along with her pas the Shoal on the hunt for Murch. "It just has to be – we look like grease-spattered Urchins, not mega-stars!"

"I don't know what kind of image we're going for though," Carmilla sighed softly. She fingered the tattered edge of her sweatshirt and glanced to the faded pattern spread across her chest. "But I agree, this isn't really what we should be going for."

"I was thinking edgy, but still kinda classy," JaJa announced, skipping over a stray piece of shrubbery from outside the studio _Off The Hook_ hosted in.

"Semi-formal punk fashion?" Carmilla offered, hoping that whatever aesthetic JaJa was going for it wouldn't involve her losing the long waves of her tentacles. She'd only styled them loosely since just before leaving for Inkopolis with JaJa and would hate to chop them short like some Inklings did these days. JaJa had no qualms about hacking her own into abstract shapes. At the moment, JaJa's tentacles were cropped around to her pointed ears and flicked out and upwards like gentle coral formations.

JaJa stilled. "That's it! That's it Carmi – you genius!"

"Gee, I have my moments," Carmilla blustered. "It was as though the Great Zapfish directly pinged an idea to me."

"It's brilliant!" JaJa squealed. " _The Squid Sisters_ are all sparkly and fancy, _Ink Theory_ dress too formally, _Bottom Feeders_ too informally, and the rest either look like something the tide drew in or are too technological for us to keep up with."

"Uh…"

JaJa exhaled sharply, rolling her eyes, "We're going to be noticeable enough that we'll stand out, but we'll have to still keep it kind of fancy. Let's go see if Murch has anything-" Murch, uncharacteristically, wasn't in his usual spot. "Huh, that's odd."

"Murch?" Carmilla called softly, rounding the corner just behind where the Sea Urchin could be located. Perhaps he'd dropped in on Spike? "Murch? Are you there?"

A scuffle, then a yelp, and a cry of – _"Hey!"_

Carmilla squeaked as she was shoved to the ground. JaJa bolted to her friends' side, just in time to watch Carmila be pulled deeper into the alley by her trainer-clad feet.

"Oi! What's the big idea!" JaJa bellowed, following after her friend.

 _"Shh!"_ Murch hissed, placing a finger over his mouth. "Can't you be quiet for once in your-"

"Can't you get decent gear –"

"Can't the both of you stop arguing and _get him off of me?!"_ Carmilla wailed.

JaJa and Murch turned to look at Carmilla. Splayed on the concrete, the poor Inkling lay trapped beneath another figure that ran his hands through the waved tendrils around her head.

"Paul," Murch called. "Get off of her."

'Paul' quickly scrambled away, huddling against a metal railing as he took in the three of them. Occasionally, the Octoling – because those were the unmistakable tentacles wrapped around his head, just like Marina's – would stretch out his hands; longing for Carmilla's waves.

"Uh," Murch began unintelligibly, "Meet Paul. He's… visiting." **(1)**

"'Visiting'?" JaJa frowned. "Is that another word for 'escaped' now?"

Carmilla took a tentative step forward, waving to the startled Octoling. "Hi, Paul."

Paul shakily waved back, and Carmilla felt herself smiling.

JaJa, of course, interrupted the wonderful movement. "So… how did he get to Inkopolis? Because I'm sure there were rules about that- even Marina was assigned a guard detail."

"Is that what they're calling Pearl these day?" Murch snorted. He turned her gaze to Paul. "I don't know. He showed up in the alley last night, and I've been trying to keep him out of eyesight since then. He'd doesn't talk much, but from the sounds of it he's got a talent for rhythm and vocal percussion."

Paul, as if prompted, chittered out a clash of sounds – as though someone had beat against a drum and a cymbal.

" _Amazing_ …" Carmilla breathed. "Murch, it sounds as though you're trying to recruit people for us."

"What – no!"

JaJa didn't seem too thrilled by the idea either; "We can barely feed ourselves, and now there's another person joining? And what if he gets caught before then, huh? How do we explain that one to the powers that be?" Carmilla just widened her eyes and pouted. Eventually, JaJa gave in. "I've got to be one fin short of a flounder. _Fine._ He can stay."

* * *

Life with Paul was… interesting.

For one, he insisted on sleeping between the two of them behind Sean's van. The latter had taken one look at JaJa and Carmilla's stowaway and had agreed to keep schtum so long as it didn't get traced back to him. Sean liked that Marina girl, and Paul was… well, Paul was as docile as they came.

JaJa had got it into her head that the Octoling had some form of infatuation with Carmilla – more specifically, Carmilla's long, waving tentacles. Paul was captivated by them, and it amused JaJa to no end watching Carmilla trying to dissuade him from adorning her hair with trinkets he fashioned out of scraps of material and metal from around Inkopolis.

Life with Paul did have its perks though. Murch provided them with better quality (if still a little worn) gear, and busking, after a few weeks of laying low and working together on new material, proved to be more bountiful than it had been previously. The two Inklings and their Octoling band member snuck over to Judd one night, who advised them on making Paul's citizenship permanent and known about, even if they didn't have a stable place of residence as of yet. If Paul was there for a purpose, officials couldn't well deport him back to the Octarians.

In need of this, _$unaDoru_ formed. A new trio on the musical block, bringing with them a shameless lack of gimmicks other than their questionable and shabby fashion sense. **(2)**

Inklings who gathered to watch them perform could all agree that their flashy, energetic and catchy music more than compensated for their appearance.

* * *

 **(1)** Paul, as in 'Paul the Octopus' that predicted the outcome of the World Cup a few back.

 **(2)** $unaDoru, or 'Sand Dollar'. Their style is again a mix of a capella vocals, gentle rap, and vocal percussion, and the way they present themselves is uncannily like the 90's street fashion found in the Japanese magazine FRUiTS.

* * *

 **I'm not sure about the design for male Octolings. There's evidence of humanoid forms for the males, and the Octo-Samurai has a vaguely human form (more so than the underlings you encounter in some of the Hero Mode levels), but for now, assume that Paul has a form similar to that of the female Octolings from Hero Mode - just... well, _male_. **

**Thank you to** TurquoiseInktrovert **for this story's first review! I would have liked to have PM'd you a thank you, but here we are. I agree that the theory from the last chapter is really creepy. Until they confirm otherwise (and I'd hate to be the one to do logical research and science on the possibility of it all) I'm going to stick with that.  
**

 **Anyway, thank you again for reading and reviewing~!**

* * *

 **Musical Inspiration:**

"Shiki no Uta" - Nujabes ft. MINMI, 'Departure'

 **(I think I've finally found inspiration for JaJa and Carmilla's (and Paul's) music because of the track above!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** The Octo-Expansion is still kicking my arse.

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 **GET RICH OR $QUID TRYING**

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Eventually their luck improved. Instead of singing for scraps in front of Crusty Sean's van, JaJa, Carmilla and Paul were snatched up by some big fish in a little pond. Their new manager – who happened to conveniently own a record label (JaJa was beside herself) – took the trio right under his fins. Before they signed anything Carmilla made sure they had a month's trial to work in their Manager's studio, and that he had arranged a few gigs for them to do under his guidance. Carmilla was the sensible one of the three, and frankly… she felt it was inkpossible for such a short turn around from when they were sleeping rough.

"Carmi," JaJa groaned when Carmilla shared her concerns with her bandmates, "You're such a wet piece of kelp."

Frowning, Carmilla tucked one long tentacle behind one pointed, pale ear. Paul followed the movement, eyes wide with fascination.

"I prefer 'practical' or 'mature', JaJa," Carmilla groused, feeling a bit offended that JaJa would blindly jump into a contract that was possibly shadier than Mr Grizz's 'shifts'. Of course, JaJa had never been one to look before she dived, but Carmilla had hoped her friend had more sense than to dash off before thoroughly checking she wasn't in shark-infested waters. JaJa couldn't be that desperate for a taste of fame, right?

Then again…

"All I'm saying," Carmilla began softly, feeling Paul's finger tips tracing lightly over the tentacle she had tucked back, "Is that we shouldn't enter this in a hurry. What if we can't work with him? I mean – I know you want this, and that you want a long career JaJa, but what if we get stuck with someone horrible? What if we get snagged in his net and are hung out to dry?"

"Ew," JaJa wrinkled her nose. Paul too made a similar noise of alarm. They'd seen one crispy elder Inkling scuttling about the Square just a week earlier, and the sight of no longer holding on to their freshness had given them all a moment of pause.

"Precisely! 'Ew'!" Carmilla exclaimed, pointing to her childhood friend. "We wouldn't want to end up like that, right, all because we acted like some giddy guppies experiencing freshwater for the first time?"

Her bandmates agreed, and well, for the time being that was that. Carmilla vowed to remain vigilant around their new Manager until the month ended, and they signed or went back to kipping behind Sean's van. One day his genial, closed lipped and promising smiles would reveal a set of mismatched pointed teeth – Carmilla knew it. It was fairly suspicious that he was slicking back his antennae, and that Carmilla had seen it dimly glow once when they had been later coming back from a evening gig.

 _And if she was wrong…_ Carmilla ran a hand down the waves of her tentacles and avoided meeting Paul's eyes. _If she was wrong, then a drastic change in style was needed to snip away her shame._

* * *

As expected, Carmilla kept her tentacles inktact. A fact that she was rather pleased and relieved about – though she hadn't revealed her plan to chop them short and regret it later to anyone.

Now they were back to slumming it at Crusty Sean's, but honestly Carmilla couldn't bring herself to care. She made sure to stop a toothy grin from appearing on her face while JaJa was around though; the latter had had a face like a Rainmaker for the majority of the afternoon.

"Cheer up JaJa," Carmilla said, smiling as Paul placed a shake from Sean's van before the two of them before he too sat with them at the table; struggling to get the fiddly plastic straw to cooperate in his own cup. "We'll find someone else."

"I don't want anyone else! It was going so well Camilla! Why did you insist on that stupid month trial?!"

"JaJa-"

"Shut it!" JaJa cried, shoving her drink to the side and pushing her chair away from the table with a screech. She flounced away in the direction of Headspace and disappeared inside the store.

"Well, there goes our last paycheque," Carmilla murmured as Paul looked mournfully to the drink JaJa had spilt across the table. He pulled the straw from his own drink and quickly slurped up the mess. "At least you don't waste your money."

Paul hummed in return.

* * *

JaJa was probably one nose-against-the-glass-heavy-breathing session away from Off The Hook banning the inkling from standing outside their studio.

"You really need to stop this, Ja," Carmilla told her friend sadly. _Softly._ "We'll just have to leave Paul with Sean during the day and do a few dodgy shifts for Mr Grizz.

The trio were now subsisting on whatever pity Sean had for them or the scraps left on the tables by picky eaters. Luckily there had been a Splatfest not so long ago, and an influx of leftovers bought from the Crust Bucket. They'd filled their stomachs that night and had been trying to ration the less perishable items for as long as possible – to little avail.

JaJa looked like she was about to gut a jellyfish just because she could, consequences be damned.

"Seriously, we're all going to be banned from standing here if you're not careful and then where will I get an insight on the freshest trends?" Paul nodded along with Carmilla's words. Marina had been trying out an unusual style with her tentacles which Carmilla had tried to emulate, only for her tentacles getting tangled.

Paul had taken great delight in carding his fingers through them to untangle the mess Carmilla had made and would wholeheartedly back any more hairdo-attempts the inkling would make in the future.

"If I stand here for long enough, they'll have to come out and tell me to leave – then I'll ask them to give us a chance!" JaJa exclaimed, ramming her head against the glass once more much to the disgust of the Inkling and Octoling inside the studio.

(Pearl, admittedly, had found JaJa's squished face against the glass hilarious, but now it was getting to be annoying. Marina really just wanted to get on with their show without potential mantle damage occurring to an overzealous fan.)

"Sometimes I'm floundered by your logic," Carmilla muttered.

"Look," the more rational of the two Inklings sighed, Paul's long fingers wrapped around her wrist as though she were a life buoy in the thriving hubbub of Inkopolis Square. "We'll get there one day, we just have to keep trying."

With reluctance, Carmilla and Paul managed to drag JaJa away – to Marina's relief – pacifying the tempestuous Inkling with a busking session by the Crust Bucket.

"We just have to keep trying," Carmilla reassured herself once more when the others had drifted off into slumber.

A customer of Sean's had left their newspaper behind on the table once they'd finished their drink, so now the trio had impromptu blankets to cover them while they slept underneath the veranda behind Sean's truck.

Things were looking up.

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 **A/N [4/7/2018]:** How has it taken me so long to update this?! I don't think I'm going to take it any further than Chapter Three, but if you have head canons go ahead. Just message me about it first and make sure to credit me for this original work.


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